The One Thing That’s Standing Between You and the Success You Desire…
This is the recording of a talk I gave at e-Women Network Portland last week.it’s only 20 minutes, and includes insights AND tapping!
Please feel free to comment below.
But, Do You Have GREAT Relationships?
The FIRST key to creating GREAT relationships is to take 100% responsibility for your OWN life (including your emotional well-being and happiness). This means that you can NOT take responsibility for anyone else’s life or happiness, (with the exception of a baby or small child), because everyone needs to take 100% responsibility for THEIR OWN lives.
I can hear all the arguments! “But how can I love and care for someone and not try to make them happy?”, “What about my children?”, “I can’t just ignore my friends!”, “What about my aging mother?”
I’m NOT, repeat NOT suggesting that you not CARE for others. On the contrary. But as you care for those you love, begin to notice when you feel responsible for their emotions or their happiness or their life. By trying to make someone else happy, or by “lowering” our own emotions to match someone else’s (so they know we care), we detract from our own well-being (this is what is referred to as co-dependency). And when we’re not in alignment with our own well-being, we create inner conflict and stress. And stress isn’t good for you – or anyone else!
On the flip-side, as we take great care of ourselves and our emotional well-being, we can care for others and not get caught up in THEIR emotions. Notice how others respond as you use Tapping more. It’s as if you create a “safety bubble” around you. People will try to push your buttons, but you no longer respond. As your buttons “disappear,” they no longer even TRY to push them. It’s an amazing thing!
When you are collaborating with someone, there will often be times when you don’t always get your own way. But learn to say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no. Pay attention to how you FEEL, and use tapping to balance yourself.
When you have children, you will be teaching and guiding them in new and healthy ways when you teach them how to be responsible for their own happiness. Teach your kids how to tap. There are simple ways to use Tapping for even the youngest of children (kids won’t relate to “I deeply and completely love and accept myself,” so we use phrases like “I’m OK anyway,” or “I’m still a great kid,” or no acceptance phrase at all. Kids respond really well and very quickly to Tapping.
Tapping is super beneficial for healthy relationships. We can tap on guilt, feeling like we “ought” to do something, our feelings that we’re somehow responsible for someone else’s feelings, and on and on. Get clarity for yourself, and find your inner balance. Then when you’re “out of sorts,” you’ll know that’s your emotions telling you to pay attention.
I could write a whole book on 100% Accountability. Maybe I will. Next time I’ll give you some concrete examples for implementing this concept in your own life.
Do You Have GREAT Relationships? Everyone Deserves GREAT Relationships!
Me and my daughter Gen at Salmon Creek Beach, Sonoma.
The FIRST key to creating GREAT relationships with others is to create a GREAT relationship with yourself. Part of you already knows this is true. If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t give and receive love from others. If we don’t have good communication skills with ourselves, we won’t have good communication skills with others.
If we’re not healthy on our own, we won’t be healthy in relationship. In fact, relationships magnify who we are. The most intense version of relationship is usually an intimate one, but this applies to all types of relationships – any interactions we have with other humans.
I used to think that if I met the “right” man and we fell in love, that all my problems and insecurities would disappear. As it happened (and not just once, but over and over), my insecurities were heightened whenever I was in a relationship, and my “problems” got more complicated. I didn’t have a good relationship with myself, so I attracted men who didn’t have a good relationship with themselves. We mirrored each other, and we didn’t have the tools to deal with what we saw. Thanks to tapping, I’ve developed, and continue to develop, a great relationship with myself. My relationships with my family have greatly improved, and I’m much more comfortable and confident with friends and colleagues. And the Universe has given me lots of time and tools and experiences to practice what I’m learning!
So begin to strengthen your relationship with yourself. If you’re already in good relationships with others, this work may help make them great relationships. If you’re in great relationships, you can take them to the next level by enhancing your relationship with YOU. If you’re in mediocre relationships, this work may raise the level of the relationships, or it may give you the courage to move on. After all, you deserve GREAT relationships!
Here’s an audio tap-along to begin to improve your self-relationship.
It’s All YOU! (An Excerpt from The Authentic Zone)
Did you know that “It’s All YOU!” Here’s a excerpt from the latest newsletter:
I just returned from a weekend of EFT Training. I LOVE doing EFT, and I find group intensive tapping to be amazing. One of the things that becomes really obvious in training (and something I always say) is that we can only tap on ourselves! Yes, we can tap with a practitioner (and I recommend doing just that), and yes we can tap with a friend. But when it comes to our issues that seem to be “about” someone else, we can ONLY work on ourselves! For example, “my spouse won’t listen to me!” In a case like that, and in almost ALL cases, we can only tap on our own emotions about the situation. We can’t tap to “make my husband listen to me.”
Let me explain further. So your spouse doesn’t listen to you? When was the last time your spouse didn’t listen to you? How does that make you FEEL? Where do you feel it? How intense is that feeling (on the 0-10 scale)? Tap on THOSE things until your intensity is down to a 2 or lower. Then check in with your feelings about that same incident when your spouse didn’t listen to you. Test to see if you’ve tapped away all the emotional intensity. We are not erasing memories here, but rather, dissolving emotional intensity. Notice if anything new has come up – a new emotion, a new memory, a new thought. Write those down for later tapping.
Now think of another time when your spouse didn’t listen to you. A specific event. Use the same procedure to tap on THAT event. As you begin to clear away the emotional intensity around these events, you will likely notice that you are reminded of something from your past (often “it reminds me of my dad,” or “it reminds me of how my mother doesn’t listen to me!”). Now we’re getting to the root of the emotion! Continue Reading…
Become a ‘reader’ by subscribing to The Authentic Zone, and you’ll be included! Plus, you’ll find great offers and learn about other ways to improve your life with tapping.
Upgrade to Your Emotional Operating System
At my recent workshop “Launch Into 2014,” I led a group of participants through a series of Intention-Setting exercises. We didn’t focus on end-results so much as WHY we want to accomplish the things on our Intention list. The main question is: How will I feel when I have what I want or accomplish what I’m setting out to do? And how can I feel that way now? I introduced 5 concepts as the foundation of the workshop, and for moving forward (Launching into 2014)
Concept #2: -Tapping is the stimulus that will help us overcome limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns, and free us to raise our frequency (feel good).
I believe that Tapping is the most powerful technique available to help us move beyond our long-held beliefs, and into a greater realm of possibilities. Tapping is the tool to upgrade your personal emotional operating system – which is stuck in primitive mode for most people.
I’ve seen and experienced the effects of Tapping – quickly releasing life-long emotions and beliefs that have kept people stuck in suffering and misery.
Ask yourself these questions to see if you could use an upgrade to your emotional operating system:
- Do you find yourself swirling in negative thought, not even knowing how you got there?
- Is there someone who has done something to you that you can’t let go of or forgive?
- Are you waiting to have, be, or do something before you can enjoy life?
- Do you often get angry when you’re driving in your car?
- Do you hold on to regret, guilt and shame?
Let’s do some Tapping, in a general way, on this topic. Keep a notepad and pen handy. You can tap more specifically on your own for anything else that comes up during this round. If you need more guidance, please contact me or another Tapping practitioner.
Begin by taking a deep breath in and out. Really deep and full. Don’t rush.
Sense into your mind and body, and notice any sense of swirling, overwhelm, tightness, or stuckness. Rate the intensity of these feelings using the 0-10 scale, 10 being the most intense. Write down the number.
Starting on the Karate Chop Point (KC), tap gently and say:
-Even though (ET) I feel this swirling, overwhelmed feeling, I Deeply & Completely Love and Accept Myself (ID&CL&AM)
-ET I feel this tightness, this stuckness, and it’s holding me back, ID&CL&AM
-ET I don’t even know where these negative thoughts came from, ID&CL&AM, and I choose to know that I can feel let all this go
Then Tapping around the points
Top of the head (TH) – This swirling overwhelm
Eyebrow (EB) – This tightness and stuckness
Side of Eye (SE) Holding me back from what I want
Under Eye (UE) Keeping me safe but stuck
Under Nose (UN) I honor these feelings for all they are trying to tell me
Chin (CH) And I choose to stop resisting them
Collarbone (CB) I choose to allow them to flow through me
Under Arm (UA) And I choose to release them
(TH) – This tightness
(EB) – Holding on
(SE) – Holding me back
(UE) – I want to move forward
(UN) – I want to be free
(CH) – And just like a Chinese finger trap, the only way to be free is to stop resisting
(CB) – I can stop resisting
(UA) – I can choose to go with the flow
(TH) -How will I know when I’m going with the flow?
(EB) -It must feel different than this tightness
(SE) -This swirling stuckness
(UE) -It’s like swimming downstream
(UN) -Instead of paddling against the current
(CH) -Downstream doesn’t even feel like work
(CB) -Downstream is easy
(UA) -Until I try to stop, or turn around
(TH) -I choose to let go
(EB)-I choose to allow
(SE) -I choose to go with the flow
(UE) -I choose to swim downstream
Deep breath in and out. Nice and slow. Check back in with the feelings above, and re-rate the intensity. Note any thoughts or images that came up during that round. Tap on those, too (go to my website for more tapping videos and audios – you’ll soon get the hang of it!). Contact me for assistance.
