The FIRST key to creating GREAT relationships is to take 100% responsibility for your OWN life (including your emotional well-being and happiness). This means that you can NOT take responsibility for anyone else’s life or happiness, (with the exception of a baby or small child), because everyone needs to take 100% responsibility for THEIR OWN lives.
I can hear all the arguments! “But how can I love and care for someone and not try to make them happy?”, “What about my children?”, “I can’t just ignore my friends!”, “What about my aging mother?”
I’m NOT, repeat NOT suggesting that you not CARE for others. On the contrary. But as you care for those you love, begin to notice when you feel responsible for their emotions or their happiness or their life. By trying to make someone else happy, or by “lowering” our own emotions to match someone else’s (so they know we care), we detract from our own well-being (this is what is referred to as co-dependency). And when we’re not in alignment with our own well-being, we create inner conflict and stress. And stress isn’t good for you – or anyone else!
On the flip-side, as we take great care of ourselves and our emotional well-being, we can care for others and not get caught up in THEIR emotions. Notice how others respond as you use Tapping more. It’s as if you create a “safety bubble” around you. People will try to push your buttons, but you no longer respond. As your buttons “disappear,” they no longer even TRY to push them. It’s an amazing thing!
When you are collaborating with someone, there will often be times when you don’t always get your own way. But learn to say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no. Pay attention to how you FEEL, and use tapping to balance yourself.
When you have children, you will be teaching and guiding them in new and healthy ways when you teach them how to be responsible for their own happiness. Teach your kids how to tap. There are simple ways to use Tapping for even the youngest of children (kids won’t relate to “I deeply and completely love and accept myself,” so we use phrases like “I’m OK anyway,” or “I’m still a great kid,” or no acceptance phrase at all. Kids respond really well and very quickly to Tapping.
Tapping is super beneficial for healthy relationships. We can tap on guilt, feeling like we “ought” to do something, our feelings that we’re somehow responsible for someone else’s feelings, and on and on. Get clarity for yourself, and find your inner balance. Then when you’re “out of sorts,” you’ll know that’s your emotions telling you to pay attention.
I could write a whole book on 100% Accountability. Maybe I will. Next time I’ll give you some concrete examples for implementing this concept in your own life.
