by Helen McConnell | Mar 14, 2013
Last time, we talked about Complaining. Or rather, NOT complaining. How is that working? It’s difficult, isn’t it? When a client experiences difficulty in letting it go of something they recognize as not-productive, it tells me that it is a deeply rooted habit. We complain to gain sympathy, to direct attention away from ourselves, and for a variety of other, unproductive reasons. All that energy spent complaining! And then we complain that there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
Well, there are other ways we leak our Personal Energy. Today let’s take a look at Gossip. Oooh, Gossip! Did you SEE what she’s wearing? Can you believe he’s sleeping with HER? Did you hear that John got laid off? Gossip, in it’s straightforward form, is just telling stories behind someone’s back. It’s not only not productive, it’s often vicious, and it can be harmful to you and to others. Gossip comes in a different form – the one that pretends to be kind, and pretends to be merely informative. Like, Go easy on her, Susan’s husband left her. Or, David is out sick this week – he’s got the flu. It sounds nice, sort of, but it’s really destructive. It’s not your information to share, and yet there you are, telling all. Whatever the form, Gossip is a HUGE waste of your energy. So if you’re complaining that you don’t have enough time and energy to do everything you want to do and need to do, I invite you to consider that your Personal Energy is Leaking, and you CAN shore it up.
Now I’ve given you two things that suck your energy and create a negative atmosphere. Complaining and Gossip. And I’m inviting you to consider giving them up. Cold turkey. Catch yourself before you speak: is this my information to share? Is there any good reason for me to share this? Could I find a solution, rather than complain? If you’re not willing, or able to give them up, you may have unconscious resistance. We can tap on Complaining. We can tap on Gossiping. And we can tap on the resistance to giving up gossip and complaining. I bet it will be an eye-opening experience that will lead to more tappable issues!
by Helen McConnell | Mar 6, 2013
As far back as I can remember, I’ve had this niggling feeling that we actually can remember the future. But we just forgot how. More recently I’ve read comments by spiritual masters that we can, indeed, remember the future
When I became an EFT Practitioner, I began to experiment with this idea, planting the seed in the minds of my clients, and then later, using techniques to implement “Remembering the Future.” I then found out about “Matrix Reimprinting,” and although I haven’t been trained in that particular technique, from what I know, it’s very similar to what I do. (I’m sure I’ll hear otherwise if it’s not). Want to try it?
Here’s how I use it – in a very general way (not specific to any particular event). In this case I will use it on myself. I begin tapping on the Karate Chop Point as I do this exercise, and tap on whatever points feel appropriate as I go through it. Always keep tapping.
First, I mentally scan my past – until I get an image of a particular younger version of me. Yes, I go to the past first, to begin using the memory muscle. This image might be a real memory, an image from a photograph, or a mind-picture from a story that was told to me about me. Don’t overthink it. Whatever comes up is the right place to begin. If you find it difficult to visualize, you can use a feeling of your younger self (memory or creation from your mind – what’s the difference?). It can be any age, and I find myself usually around 4 or 5 years old. I focus on my earlier self, and freeze any activity that is going on around her. I imagine where she is – as detailed as possible, what she’s wearing, how her hair looks, and what emotional state she’s in.
I step into the scene and say “Hi.” She immediately knows me – I don’t need to explain. If it appears or feels like she needs assistance or comforting, I offer it to her, or ask what she needs. I always wait for her to say yes or no. I chat with her, hug her, tap with her (either tapping on her – with her permission, or showing her how to tap on herself). When she is comfortable and calm, I begin to tell her how amazing she is – so resourceful and so determined. I tell her that she has kept ME safe all these years. I tell her that I know she has taken on way more responsibility than a 5-year-old should have to have, and I thank her for that. Then I ask her if she’d like to just be a kid and not have to worry about that stuff anymore? She usually says yes. I tell her that I’m going to take care of HER now, and that together she and I are going to have a lot of fun. I ask her if there’s anything she’d like to ask me, and I patiently answer her questions, whatever they are. When the time is right, I ask her if she’d like to go get ice cream, or have a nap, or whatever seems right at the time. She’ll tell me. Then, I ask her if she’s ready to integrate with me. She knows what it means. When she says yes, I “take her into myself,” and move forward.
This part of the exercise can go to any time in my past – stopping wherever seems right. While still tapping, I may end up with my 5-year-old-self, my 12-year-old-self, my 17-year-old-self and my current-self -all talking together and bonding and healing and supporting each other.
When it’s time, I go to the future-me. Still tapping, I usually go to five years ahead (because it’s easier to imagine than 1 year from now – more of a difference, I guess) When I do this with clients, I ask how the future-self looks. If they say “old” or “tired,” or other negative, I say “Let’s give her a makeover. Right now. She looks fabulous and vibrant.” If the client can’t imagine that, we have some other tapping to do. But for this exercise, let’s keep it simple.
Still tapping, I’m standing next to my future-self. She is confident, beautiful, vibrant. She is more lighthearted than my current-self. I’ve brought my past-self to this meeting. My future-self is delighted to see us, and acknowledges each of us with a warm hug and salutations. (If I’ve been at a “self-party,” I bring everyone along to this meeting. My future-self loves to see everyone, and it is always perfect timing – she’s never too busy to see us.
As we all tap, my future-self then talks to my past-self and me about how each of us kept HER safe all these years and helped her become who she is now. She asks each of us if we’d like to stop worrying, and just have fun. She tells us that we can all do it together, and that there is nothing to worry about. She asks each of us what we need from her. I find myself saying “Courage and determination.” She assures me that I have plenty of both, and to take them out for a spin. She says she’ll be there with me. She tells us that we are free to ask her any questions we like, and patiently answers each one. She tells us that she is always there for us, and that she is drawing us to her – no need to struggle. She taps with us on anything we need it for.
When the time is right, she asks if we’d like to go for a walk, or go get some ice cream, or take a nap, or whatever. Me and my past-self collaborate and put in our request. When the time is right, future-me asks if we’re ready to integrate. If we say yes, she takes us into herself.
I then return to the present. I usually feel rested and refreshed, and hopeful. The healing we did in the past goes all the way to the future-self. And the future-self draws me to her.
This is a lengthy exercise, so allow 30-45 minutes or so each time you use it. This powerful exercise works well on childhood issues that are stopping us from moving forward now – unrealistic fears and negative “voices” in our head. It is appropriate to use this technique on each issue that presents itself from your past. As you do this exercise, as with other EFT techniques, the results will begin to “generalize.” This means that as you tap away the intensity of several past specific events, the issue sort of melts away. We call this “The Generalized Effect.” I also believe that we’ve “tapped in” the future self, creating a vision for our future, and a positive emotional connection to that vision. We can adjust at any time.
I’d love to hear how you use this technique. The brilliant thing about EFT is that it is still in the formative stages. People are always coming up with amazing new ways to use it.
by Helen McConnell | Mar 6, 2013
I’m walking to Grand Central Bakery for a Latte. It’s raining. 
It’s been raining all morning. I’m wearing my cute, sexy, warm, waterproof Sorel boots.
As I’m walking down Broadway, I STOMP in a puddle – just a one-footed stomp – and it feels very child-like (in a good way).
So now I’m looking for more puddles. I kick the water in one. I do a 2-footed jump into another – barely avoiding splashing the UPS carrier as she rolls her hand truck across the sidewalk. I don’t look to see her reaction.
I get to thinking about these kid-like behaviors that are joyous and relatively harmless. I wonder if I got “trained” out of such things as puddle-stomping, or maybe I simply outgrew such silliness. And then, 50 years later, I’m compelled to stomp. Ah, the joy and satisfaction of it!
I wonder for a moment (and only a moment) if I look ridiculous to the people in the cars passing by. Then I realize I don’t care.
by Helen McConnell | Feb 18, 2013
So you want to Run a Marathon? Or Earn 6 Figures this year? Or Find the Love of Your Life? Each of these is a great goal. If it’s right for you. Why is it we feel like we want these things – we can even set these goals, but so many of us can’t follow through to completion? Sometimes we can’t even start. Even though we really, really want to? In a nutshell, it’s called Self Sabotage.
So many of my clients, and people I know, get waylaid by Self-Sabotaging behaviors. It has happened to me, stopped me dead in my tracks, and made me feel like a failure. If you’ve never heard the term, “Self-Sabotage” means that you were heading toward a goal – one that you thought you really wanted – and you yourself unconsciously did or created something that got in the way of attaining your own goal. We are often unaware of our own self-sabotage, until it happens over and over. As a Life Coach, it’s my job to help you avert Self-Sabotage before it gets the best of you. And then to help you clear the roots of Self-Sabotage all together, so that you can go on to Express the Greatest Version of Yourself.
One of the many triggers that cause some of us to thwart our own desires, is setting the goal too high – before we’re ready. For example, if you’re currently earning $50k per year, and you want to increase that to $500k this year, as your Coach I will tell you it’s possible, but not likely to happen. Because YOU don’t really believe you can do that – increase your income tenfold in one year. OR you have sub-conscious messages and beliefs running (in the form of voices in your head), like a song on “repeat.” These voices are both silent and LOUD, whispering at you, and SHOUTING at you. They say many things, but the main goal of the voices is TO KEEP YOU SAFE. Safe from what? Safe from looking bad, or looking good, or making too much money, or alienating yourself, or standing out in a crowd, or achieving more than your parents achieved (even if they told you that’s what they wanted!). Using the 50k to 500k example, these voices might say things like “Are you crazy? you can’t do that!” “Your friends will hate you if you earn that much money.” “Your friends will only like you for your money if you make that much – they’ll expect things from you.” “It will be really hard to manage that much money.” “The IRS will take most of it.” “Do you know how HARD you’ll have to work to make that much?” And on and on. We can’t just tell the voices to shut up – it doesn’t work. We need to understand them, and tame them. We’ll keep the 500k as an Ultimate Goal, while making incremental increases, like 50k to 100k, then 200k, then 500k. Then we’ll make friends with the voices in our head, listen to them, honor them. And we’ll invite them to be on our team. In this holistic way, we have a much better chance of attaining our goals, and manifesting our dreams.
Let’s look at the marathon goal. Even though I’m not a Sports Coach, I can help you more easily achieve your physical goals (along with a Trainer or Running Coach). The increments look like this: From Couch Potato to walking 30 minutes a day, to running a mile, to running a 10K, to training for a half-marathon, to training for a marathon, to running a marathon. And if you think you can stop after one, you’re fooling yourself. The voices might sound like this “Are you kidding? You can’t do that!” or “Do you know how HARD it is to train and run a marathon?” “Do you know how much TIME it takes?” “Do you really want to be like THOSE people?” “What will your friends think?” “If you get strong and healthy and fit, your whole LIFE is going to change.” The voices have the same goal – keeping you SAFE. When you feel like “No, I don’t want to run this week,” or “I don’t want to increase my miles,” it means the voices are taking over, running the show. I can help you fire your internal booster rockets, and rally the voices back on the team.
As for Finding the love of your life, the increments would look like this: Review your relationship patterns. Identify the characteristics of your ideal partner. Learn to love yourself. Ask yourself if you embody the person who would attract that ideal mate. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be happy without a mate. Learn to love yourself. Learn to BE now the person you hope to be when you attract your perfect mate. The voices in your head might say “Are you kidding? You can’t attract that person!” or “What would your friends think?”or “All the good ones are taken,” or “You’re not good enough/pretty enough/smart enough,” r “Remember how the last relationship turned out? You don’t’ want that again!”
If you’re working with a Coach, or considering it, ask about incremental goals. And ask what tools the Coach has for taking care of the Voices in Your Head. Affirmations rarely work, because we can’t stick with them long enough (saying them to ourself in a mirror, 100 times a day for 30 days), and because they feel like a lie to our mind (“I am a glorious Being, capable of attracting my ideal mate, easily and swiftly”). The most powerful and effective and gentle tool for clearing limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns, is EFT Tapping. I use it with all my clients – on all sorts of limiting beliefs, emotions and issues – and they experience a wide array of wonderful benefits. If you’ve never experienced Tapping, check it out here. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. Here’s to your Best Life!
Now I’ve given you two things that suck your energy and create a negative atmosphere. Complaining and Gossip. And I’m inviting you to consider giving them up. Cold turkey. Catch yourself before you speak: is this my information to share? Is there any good reason for me to share this? Could I find a solution, rather than complain? If you’re not willing, or able to give them up, you may have unconscious resistance. We can tap on Complaining. We can tap on Gossiping. And we can tap on the resistance to giving up gossip and complaining. I bet it will be an eye-opening experience that will lead to more tappable issues!
